Making Soup....

I was just reading a blog I check from time to time, Mom 4 life. I was thinking about Heather's faith, how much she is leaning on God right now. You see she lost her son weeks before he was due. It is crazy for me to fathom the pain that has caused her, but really we all experience pain from time to time, and yet God is right there with us. He too has experienced pain. He knows. He gave up His son. Heather wrote about a book that she had read called Tear Soup. Putting all of our grief into the soup, I think that is real with so many situations in life. We need to pour out our hurts, people will come and go and be a support, yet through it all, love remains.

I am thinking through all of this as I try desperately to get a hold of my depression. I cannot explain it, if you have ever been there, you know. Really I am thinking it is some sort of chemical/hormonal imbalance. I feel like somedays I am making soup for really no reason. There is no real rhyme or reason, for me feeling this way. Sure we all endure hard times in our lives, but we are all blessed. Really, though I am not sure how my day will be until I start it. Will I be ok? Will I feel like doing nothing but sit on the couch, or be in such a bad mood for no reason. I feel like I am floating above my body trying to tell myself to get a grip. I am tired of pretending everything is ok. I am tired of it taking over my life and my family's life because mama is not ok today. Yet tomorrow is a new day. I keep praying for God to give me direction for healing. I know He will help me through this.

The Life of a Frog...

So, Maddy brought home a book to read from school. It was the life of a frog. She had to draw a picture and write something about the book. Now granted the book was about the frog's life. The start of it, the camouflaging, the mating and the death. Oh and how this one frog grows skin over itself to survive in the desert and then when he is done hiding, he rips the skin over his head with his little hand and then proceeds to eat the extra skin. And if you were curious, the Aborigines drink water from the frog if they find one and they are stuck in the desert themselves by slicing one open! Now didn't we all need to know that, because, oh, we are all in FIRST grade.

What is that? It only gets better. If you read further you will find MATING frogs. I am not comfortable talking to my first grader about MATING! Some of you might be, but not me! So Maddy told her teacher that her family didn't like the book, her response was, well you don't have to like it, you just have to read it. WHAT! Am I paying her salary? I know I can't think that way, poor Brian gets that excuse enough. But really, that is how you respond? Ok, so now as Mama bear what do I do? I am obviously going to talk with her, but not sure what to say...

WHATEVER!

Ok, so Maddy my wonderful 6 year old, first grader that I was just bragging about in my last post, didn't like what I was saying to her today and said whatever to me. I got an eye roll and everything! I called my mom for advice, she talked me down and I calmed down. Really, How would you handle something like this? I can see why some people home school. The attitude and exhaustion she has is just making me stronger. Because what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!

My first grader is doing great!

Maddy is LOVING her class. And as for me I am LOVING her class too. I have definitely found a little niche with the other moms and I absolutely love her teacher, well so far. Maddy has gotten over the gitters and the Mom I think I am going to throw ups. Thank goodness. I was not sure how much longer I could put up with it. A friend of mine was pointing out I might want to have a little more compassion. I guess I was little once too and nervous. Who Me?

This was the first week of homework, why do they do that? The first week of homework was a short one, brutal! Not as much time to complete the work and the FIRST week to hand it out? We still have one sheet to do and it is due tomorrow. I am hoping we get into a rhythm and work it out.

She is also exhausted, but having a hard time going to sleep. I put her to bed around 7:30, because no matter what time she goes to bed when the rooster is up so is she. I was like that. I can remember doing Mousercize (Mickey lead aerobics) at 6:00am on the weekends... I know what a nerd I was.

The attitude is killing me right now with her. I have so much fun with her sometimes and other times, she argues, sasses me, treats me like I am dirt. And that is just the short of it. I try not to take it personally, but easier said than done. Especially if you know me, I am an emotional person anyways, this just fuels the fire. I am hoping this faze fades soon. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger...

An average day.....

I am at the beach this week with a life-long friend and my family. I am enjoying the beautiful scenery that God has painted around us. The hustle and bustle of all 3 of our children...6, 23 mos. and 20 mos. I have thought in that last week after seeing another friend of ours and her brand new baby what having three would be like... Do we want to cross that bridge, be out numbered, have another little person add to the stress. Then I think of what a blessing my girls are, but three really?

As I sit here, I was just reading Mck Mama's Blog posting and practically in tears I sit and think about her struggles and turmoil her family is going through. I have always thought of her as a mama to look up to. She has three little people to care for (the oldest is 3 years the youngest 9 mos.), they don't have TVs in their house, she believes in all that is natural and she loves Jesus with her whole heart. Her faith is an example to all mamas out there. As I sit here being average myself. I am not sure if I could handle what she is going through with the little one inside her fighting to live here on this earth as we know it. Somehow, my stresses seem pretty trivial.

Am I missing something?

So many times in life I feel like I am missing a piece of the puzzle. If I could only find out other people's secrets to being a mom or a wife... I feel like I am fried every day. I don't get it. Am I missing something? How do you handle it? Me, I tend to get frustrated and yell. Not a proud attribute by any means. I look around at other moms and I wonder how do they do it? I wonder if they yell, or if they have better control of their emotions. How so they handle the many questions from their little ones? Mine just tend to fight, or talk or scream themselves all day long.
I was sitting behind a friend in church on Sunday and thought "I wonder how her mom disiplined them." She is one of many brothers and sisters and all of them love God and are upstanding citizens, if not above and beyond the average do gooder. How did her mom handle it when she was fried? I feel like I am stuck in a pit sometimes, trying desperately to get out, but I am trapped. Why do I feel numb? I really have nothing left and the end of the day is nowhere in sight, at least it feels that way. I keep praying, for strength, grace, we all know what happens when we pray for patience... I guess I just feel like I am lost, that I somehow missed that chapter in the book of life. Does anyone know what chapter I missed?

Today was a coffee morning...

So, I try with all that is in me to resist my morning cup of coffee. I became addicted when my mom and step dad were visiting. I used to be able to have coffee on social occasions, then I HAD to have it every day to function. This morning was one of those mornings. We have been enjoying summer, but it has caught up with me. I guess I cannot let my little one roam around the house, hoping her older sister will feed her, can I? SO, therefore, I look for my caffinated beverage, needing the help to wake up!