Today I voted. Sometimes feeling like my vote doesn't really count. I know in the long run God is in control of this crazy world we live in.

I am ready for today to be over to be honest. Politics can be a touchy subject with friends and family if you don't agree. I feel like it shouldn't be. Why can't we state our standings or beliefs without being criticized for it. I know we all have different views, and sometimes the same views. Why are we supposed to be tolerant when others are not tolerant of our beliefs? Reading Love Well today was very uplifting... a little reminder of what a great country we do live in. Even in our state of despair, we are a great nation!

So get out and vote, it does matter. (Lee Greenwood's Proud to be an American, playing in the background)

A few questions I have been pondering...

I have been thinking about a few questions that float around in my head... I thought I would write them out. This is where prayer comes in, ask and He will give some answers, not always what we want to hear, but for a bigger plan than just me.

Am I being a good example of love to my kids, friends, husband, family....

How could I handle situations differently?

Am I supposed to have another baby... am I done having kids?

Could I handle having another child to care for?

Will my business grow?

Will this medication help?

Will we ever be out of debt?

Will my kids respect me when they are older or rebel?

Will they love Jesus?

Why do I get so burnt out?

How can I control my pms?

Why is Facebook so addicting?

How can I be motivated to get things done around the house?

And many more... these are just a few rolling around in my thoughts.

Maybe the dirt pile is a little more interesting....

Today in Maddy's soccer game, the dirt pile was a little more interesting than the game. Right in the middle of the field there was a little dirt patch and Maddy found it. I was bummed that she was not paying attention to the ball going by her and her coach was very patient with her. He kept telling her to get up and help the other girls out.

Today was a great reminder to me that she is still so little. One friend of mine reminded me that group type sports at this age are hard for them. And another friend reminded me that Maddy is just happy to be a part of the team and have new friends. Every once in awhile we need reminders like this. She really has only been on this earth for 6 years now... sometimes I guess our expectations are not realistic and get in the way.

Making Soup....

I was just reading a blog I check from time to time, Mom 4 life. I was thinking about Heather's faith, how much she is leaning on God right now. You see she lost her son weeks before he was due. It is crazy for me to fathom the pain that has caused her, but really we all experience pain from time to time, and yet God is right there with us. He too has experienced pain. He knows. He gave up His son. Heather wrote about a book that she had read called Tear Soup. Putting all of our grief into the soup, I think that is real with so many situations in life. We need to pour out our hurts, people will come and go and be a support, yet through it all, love remains.

I am thinking through all of this as I try desperately to get a hold of my depression. I cannot explain it, if you have ever been there, you know. Really I am thinking it is some sort of chemical/hormonal imbalance. I feel like somedays I am making soup for really no reason. There is no real rhyme or reason, for me feeling this way. Sure we all endure hard times in our lives, but we are all blessed. Really, though I am not sure how my day will be until I start it. Will I be ok? Will I feel like doing nothing but sit on the couch, or be in such a bad mood for no reason. I feel like I am floating above my body trying to tell myself to get a grip. I am tired of pretending everything is ok. I am tired of it taking over my life and my family's life because mama is not ok today. Yet tomorrow is a new day. I keep praying for God to give me direction for healing. I know He will help me through this.

The Life of a Frog...

So, Maddy brought home a book to read from school. It was the life of a frog. She had to draw a picture and write something about the book. Now granted the book was about the frog's life. The start of it, the camouflaging, the mating and the death. Oh and how this one frog grows skin over itself to survive in the desert and then when he is done hiding, he rips the skin over his head with his little hand and then proceeds to eat the extra skin. And if you were curious, the Aborigines drink water from the frog if they find one and they are stuck in the desert themselves by slicing one open! Now didn't we all need to know that, because, oh, we are all in FIRST grade.

What is that? It only gets better. If you read further you will find MATING frogs. I am not comfortable talking to my first grader about MATING! Some of you might be, but not me! So Maddy told her teacher that her family didn't like the book, her response was, well you don't have to like it, you just have to read it. WHAT! Am I paying her salary? I know I can't think that way, poor Brian gets that excuse enough. But really, that is how you respond? Ok, so now as Mama bear what do I do? I am obviously going to talk with her, but not sure what to say...

WHATEVER!

Ok, so Maddy my wonderful 6 year old, first grader that I was just bragging about in my last post, didn't like what I was saying to her today and said whatever to me. I got an eye roll and everything! I called my mom for advice, she talked me down and I calmed down. Really, How would you handle something like this? I can see why some people home school. The attitude and exhaustion she has is just making me stronger. Because what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!

My first grader is doing great!

Maddy is LOVING her class. And as for me I am LOVING her class too. I have definitely found a little niche with the other moms and I absolutely love her teacher, well so far. Maddy has gotten over the gitters and the Mom I think I am going to throw ups. Thank goodness. I was not sure how much longer I could put up with it. A friend of mine was pointing out I might want to have a little more compassion. I guess I was little once too and nervous. Who Me?

This was the first week of homework, why do they do that? The first week of homework was a short one, brutal! Not as much time to complete the work and the FIRST week to hand it out? We still have one sheet to do and it is due tomorrow. I am hoping we get into a rhythm and work it out.

She is also exhausted, but having a hard time going to sleep. I put her to bed around 7:30, because no matter what time she goes to bed when the rooster is up so is she. I was like that. I can remember doing Mousercize (Mickey lead aerobics) at 6:00am on the weekends... I know what a nerd I was.

The attitude is killing me right now with her. I have so much fun with her sometimes and other times, she argues, sasses me, treats me like I am dirt. And that is just the short of it. I try not to take it personally, but easier said than done. Especially if you know me, I am an emotional person anyways, this just fuels the fire. I am hoping this faze fades soon. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger...