A little bit stronger...

Life can throw a few curve balls our way sometimes. I have recently watched a few friends/ family members going through some pretty major transitions. It is hard to watch. I am the type of person to feel that pain right along with them. In the middle of it all, it is hard to feel like you are getting stronger, but sometimes you have no choice but to get stronger. Stronger than even you thought was possible. And while you are going through that pain, circumstance, experience you don't even realize the strength you are gaining. Later you look back and wonder how you made it through that period in your life. But life is a journey, its not a destination, so of course there are going to be curves on our path. Rarely are any of our lives easy. I have a friend that says, whatever you are going through, its hard for you. Someone else may look at your situation and think it is a breeze, or you are better off. But for you in that moment it is hard for you. So, we pull ourselves up. We dust ourselves off and we keep walking. Just keep taking the next step. You are only in this place for a moment. Doors maybe slamming shut in your face, but that means that something else, something better will come along and you have to make room for that something or someone in your life. Hope. Wish. Dream. Cry. Let it all out. I sure am. And one day you will realize that it doesn't hurt quite as much.

Waiting....

Waiting can be painful. We wait in line at the store, we wait at a red light, we wait for confirmation, we wait for a new job. Right now we are waiting to find a new place to plant some roots and call home. For awhile. There is a joke in my family that Marny just likes to move. On the contrary! But every time we have moved it was for a better opportunity. And now our circumstances have presented us with yet another chance to move. We have had a hard time finding a place. I don't want to find something to just be a quick fix or a band-aid. That would just continue this crazy cycle of moving, and it isn't pretty or fun.

I recently posted on Facebook that "waiting is the hardest game to play." We get frustrated. We may become so focused on the end product or place that we lose our path and get a little lost. But, we wait. And wait. Timing is everything in life. When things line up it becomes a relief. Getting the puzzle piece by piece is so excruciating sometimes. But, that is how our character is built. Faith, that within the bigger picture lies a bigger message of trust. Trust that the right place will fall into our laps and be just what we need and hopefully have a few of our "wish-list" items too. So, for now our family is character building and waiting for the right place to come along. And I know it will.

Sometimes we need a little reminder...

This is my friend Lindsey. We met in 6th grade and have kept in touch through the wonders of Facebook. And that little man is Jackson. Lindsey posted her blog about being the momma. As I read her post, tears started to well up in my eyes. Sometimes we just need that reminder of what we are doing, why we are doing it and the fact that the hard times come and go, and we still make it through it.

My youngest is now 4. Hard to believe. Right before I wrote this I was fighting with her to take a much needed nap. As she was kicking and screaming in her bed, I thought, "wow, this is what being a mama is..." Lindsey's post was a blessing to me because, while she is in the honeymoon phase of being mama, she opened my eyes to the memories. I loved the days I held my girls and they would just cuddle with you. I think as a mama, we try to keep those memories locked up, so that on days like today, when it is rainy outside, and you have a person half your height screaming at you, you can remember that this will pass. I hope. You realize that you will become stupid much faster than you thought possible. You will become a great arguer. A puzzle solver to figure out what your kids were thinking, or even more what they weren't thinking. You will understand that sometimes being a mama means you may not always feel like doing something, but you do it anyways for your kiddos. And sometimes that smile plastered on your face may not be real, but you fake it for them. You realize that you are their greatest teacher. And they are your greatest teacher as well. There is no manual. Sure there are parenting books up the wazoo, but the only way you really learn is as you go. Sure, you are going to make mistakes, and parental guilt will wear you down. But you just have to do your best, take every opportunity to learn from situations. Know that there will be days that you accomplish more than you thought possible, and other days will slip by and you will wonder where they went. Laundry and housework will always be there. Your kiddos will challenge you. And you will do your best to raise responsible, kind, respectful, understanding, honest, loving little people.

Lindsey, thanks for that reminder to just take it all in, at every phase and cherish every moment.

Shhh.... Ahhh Listen, it's quiet.

It is naptime right now, or quiet time for my older one. One of my (and I am sure many mamas and daddys out there too) favorite times of the day. There are times I just completely crash at naptime with them. Then there are times I have so much to get done I hope they stay asleep a little longer. I just love sitting in the quiet. Some nights I stay up WAY too late because I am just enjoying the stillness of the house.

On my to do list today for naptime:
~ Laundry, don't we all love the never ending cycle?!
~ Figure out dinner plans so I am not running around like a chicken with my head cut off while the natives are getting restless. It isn't pretty.
~ Pick up the living room. Why does it always seem to be a mess? Is your house that way? My kids come through and leave things around as if they don't really notice that it is a war zone and boobie traps are lurking around every corner just waiting for an unsuspecting victim.
~ Cycle through the newspaper and school papers, so that those too don't try to take over the world. We could save so many trees if schools sent home less paper work.
~ Research replacement toys for the ones the dog has chewed up. :o(

Not a long list, but nonetheless a busy naptime for mama. Happy Saturday all! We have actually enjoyed just playing in the backyard today, and now the chaos begins. We will get up tomorrow and do it all over again.

A Cloudy Day...

Today it is cloudy outside. Now I am a California girl, not quite the Katy Perry type of “California Gurl.” But I do enjoy my dose of sunshine. This weather makes me feel that the inevitable is happening. The changing of the seasons. Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the holidays. I love decorating for Halloween and staying inside while it is pouring down rain outside and baking banana bread, and then moving onto Thanksgiving (the holiday that most stores skip right over) and Christmas. It really is a magical time of year. When I was little, my mom (and my mom#2, or step-mom at their house) would decorate the entire house for whatever holiday was coming up. It didn’t matter if it was Valentine’s day, or Halloween, the decorations would come out. The house would be filled with them! Tastefully of course, not gaudy like the sweater your Aunt Suzie knitted you and expects to see every holiday season. I have come to realize that this is what made the traditions come to life for us as kids. The little things. My mom is not a baker, but give her a basket or present to put together and it will look like a million bucks. (Look out Donald Trump.) A lot about life is about traditions… We pass them along and make new ones along the way. So I am going to share Fall traditions from my childhood and one I am starting with my kiddos. When I was a kid we always got up really early one weekend morning and went to the pumpkin patch in Half Moon Bay to pick out our pumpkins. We saw the same Dracula year after year, and every year he still scared me. We would then find a fun-off-the-beaten-path-kinda place for breakfast. My dad would always take us to the Harvest Festival at our school. We would be all dressed up in our costumes, so excited to show them off. With my girls we have started going up to Apple Hill with my in-laws and getting apples to make apple sauce. Every year I break out my trusty food mill and strain the already pulverized apple pulp. The special moments in life are often shared in the quiet, or not so quiet of your own home. Feel free to post some of your own. It is fun to see what other people do and sometimes use it yourself. But imitation is the best form of flattery, right?

A New Chapter in Blogging...

I have decided to turn over a new leaf so to say and take it up a notch. Trying something new often scares us, like that man in the strange costume on Halloween. But you just have to take that leap sometimes, so here goes... I will attempt to share life's journey with you. Like a roller coaster of ups and downs, good days bad days, great dinners and nights you have to call for pizza because it's just that bad! So, I hope you sit back and enjoy the show! "Hang onto your hats and glasses cause this here's the wildest ride in the wilderness!"

Chapters in life...

It is so hard to say goodbye. And why is it called goodbye? Really as someone once told me, there is nothing good about goodbyes. Scratch that, on rare occasions we are jumping for joy to say goodbye, maybe to a job we hated, or an arch enemy, but in reality, goodbyes are anything but good.

A friend moving away, to start a new chapter of their life and have a new beginning. Yet, as they go we feel left behind. Sometimes even forgotten. If we are not a part of each other’s everyday life anymore we have that fear creep in that we don’t matter anymore. And we find it hard to find the time to visit or even just stay in touch. Memories fill our minds, and we often wish we could go back.

Maybe it is a girlfriend or boyfriend that wants some “freedom”. There is certainly nothing good about that kind of goodbye. Why do we go through these cycles? Really what is freedom or finding yourself? It is an excuse. The pain that comes with realizing that that very special person in your life is gone and you don’t matter to them anymore. All we have to hold onto is the memory of the relationship. The memory of that person being next to you. You are the most important person on earth to them and in one moment it vanishes. As time passes and you may try to “win them back” you realize that they are not the same person you fell in love with. Or even someone you would be friends with anymore. But you hold onto hope. The hope that they might come around and realize what they left behind. The familiar. Someone who knows you better than you know yourself.

It is hard to see how short life really is… How much time we waste in the past and how much we invest on trying to protect ourselves from being hurt again.

You may be losing something that you thought you had. A marriage that will never be the same. A friendship that has been betrayed. That raise or promotion that was given to Joe Schmoe next to you.

It is hard to watch someone go through the pain. And the agony. You wish yoau could take it away. But part of experiencing life is to go through the goodbyes and come out stronger on the other side. Knowing that sometimes it does come back around. And friendships are not always lost. But sometimes we do have to move on no matter how painful it is.