A few questions I have been pondering...

I have been thinking about a few questions that float around in my head... I thought I would write them out. This is where prayer comes in, ask and He will give some answers, not always what we want to hear, but for a bigger plan than just me.

Am I being a good example of love to my kids, friends, husband, family....

How could I handle situations differently?

Am I supposed to have another baby... am I done having kids?

Could I handle having another child to care for?

Will my business grow?

Will this medication help?

Will we ever be out of debt?

Will my kids respect me when they are older or rebel?

Will they love Jesus?

Why do I get so burnt out?

How can I control my pms?

Why is Facebook so addicting?

How can I be motivated to get things done around the house?

And many more... these are just a few rolling around in my thoughts.

Maybe the dirt pile is a little more interesting....

Today in Maddy's soccer game, the dirt pile was a little more interesting than the game. Right in the middle of the field there was a little dirt patch and Maddy found it. I was bummed that she was not paying attention to the ball going by her and her coach was very patient with her. He kept telling her to get up and help the other girls out.

Today was a great reminder to me that she is still so little. One friend of mine reminded me that group type sports at this age are hard for them. And another friend reminded me that Maddy is just happy to be a part of the team and have new friends. Every once in awhile we need reminders like this. She really has only been on this earth for 6 years now... sometimes I guess our expectations are not realistic and get in the way.

Making Soup....

I was just reading a blog I check from time to time, Mom 4 life. I was thinking about Heather's faith, how much she is leaning on God right now. You see she lost her son weeks before he was due. It is crazy for me to fathom the pain that has caused her, but really we all experience pain from time to time, and yet God is right there with us. He too has experienced pain. He knows. He gave up His son. Heather wrote about a book that she had read called Tear Soup. Putting all of our grief into the soup, I think that is real with so many situations in life. We need to pour out our hurts, people will come and go and be a support, yet through it all, love remains.

I am thinking through all of this as I try desperately to get a hold of my depression. I cannot explain it, if you have ever been there, you know. Really I am thinking it is some sort of chemical/hormonal imbalance. I feel like somedays I am making soup for really no reason. There is no real rhyme or reason, for me feeling this way. Sure we all endure hard times in our lives, but we are all blessed. Really, though I am not sure how my day will be until I start it. Will I be ok? Will I feel like doing nothing but sit on the couch, or be in such a bad mood for no reason. I feel like I am floating above my body trying to tell myself to get a grip. I am tired of pretending everything is ok. I am tired of it taking over my life and my family's life because mama is not ok today. Yet tomorrow is a new day. I keep praying for God to give me direction for healing. I know He will help me through this.